There have been some big changes in my life over the past couple of months, and they all stem from the biggest change of all: I broke up with my fiancé and partner of almost nine years.
I haven’t just lost the man I was going to marry and my best friend, I have also lost the life that I had. The beautiful apartment we lived in, the city I loved, and unfortunately, some of our mutual friends. None of these things belong to me anymore.
The break up occurred when I was travelling by myself in Vietnam. Travelling solo through a country I hadn’t been to before during one of the hardest times in my life tested me. Really tested me.
But although I spent way too many hours crying into my pillow and watching lame movies I had seen a hundred times before, I got through it. I could have jumped on a plane home but I think I needed to prove to myself how strong I actually was by staying.
It turns out I am a lot stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.
I know that now and I learnt that lesson the hard way. But although that lesson was important to learn, I also know that I want to be around friends and family the next few months while I continue to process this massive, all-encompassing shift in my life.
So I am going back to the United States.
It is a country that I love (well, not everything about it but let’s not go there) and one that is easy for me to be in as I have travelled there countless times before. I have a lot of friends there that I want to visit and I want to get hiking again. I know that will help me to heal.
I could stay in New Zealand and work but that doesn’t feel right for me right now. I want to be on the road again. Travel is also a great healer.
Since I decided that I was going to travel there everything has fallen into place. I am road tripping with a couple of different friends, visiting others in their home cities and visiting a lot of National Parks, one of my favourite things about America (along with the craft beer of course).
My itinerary is looking pretty damn awesome and I am really, really excited.
I fly into Colorado on 29th March and from there I am heading west through New Mexico, Utah and Arizona before travelling up the west coast, perhaps popping into Canada briefly to visit my favourite city in the world, Vancouver.
After passing through eastern Washington StateFrom there I will be visiting a park I have dreamt about visiting for a long time: Yellowstone.
From there I am not sure. All I know is that I have my return flight booked out of LA on 28th June.
Who knows, maybe I will even end up staying longer. It is a changeable ticket after all.
I truly am floating on the wind which is both exhilarating and a bit scary. This is what I wanted, even though I am not exactly sure what to do with it.
But I fully trust that things will work out as they are meant to. The Universe will provide and I know in my bones that I am on the right path, even if I can’t clearly see where the path is leading me right now.
My life is a big question mark at the moment and that is OK with me.
I am OK.